


Wake Me Up Inside

by Aini_NuFire



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Caring Sam Winchester, Cas needs a hug, Dean Saves Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s11e10 The Devil Is In The Details, Family Feels, Gen, Guilty Dean Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Season/Series 11, Soul Bond, Spoilers for 11x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aini_NuFire/pseuds/Aini_NuFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was lost in the darkness, with no hope of finding his way home alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake Me Up Inside

**Author's Note:**

> I think the latest plot twist of 11x10 has potential to be very fun, and I think it's great for Misha to get some variety in his work, but I have no faith the show writers will give us decent resolution on the emotional fallout. So of course I needed to write some major hurt/comfort myself. Spoilers for the episode. Lyrics from "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence.

 

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_  
_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb_  
_Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
_ _Until you find it there and lead it back home_

* * *

 

Dean stood several feet outside the new cage they'd managed to build for Lucifer, watching the archangel idly pace back and forth inside his best friend's body. It'd taken weeks for the Winchesters to realize what had happened. Too long. Too damn long, and Dean would never forgive himself for not paying closer attention. He also didn't know if he could forgive Cas for saying 'yes' in the first place, not after everything.

…Even if Lucifer _had_ managed to defeat Amara. Granted, he'd needed help, and in the end the Winchesters had played a part in it, along with Billie the Reaper, who had also helped them construct this new prison for the Devil and lure Lucifer into it. Billie was ready to hurtle the cage back into Hell so far no one would ever find it. But Dean had convinced the Reaper to wait, to stash the cage in the bunker's dungeon while he and Sam desperately tried to find a way to save Cas. Billie had only warned that if they let the Devil loose one more time, no more rescues, and she'd finally get to reap the brothers like she'd promised.

Lucifer lolled his head Dean's direction, trailing his fingers across the bars as he paced. It was sickening to see that blithe expression looking out from Castiel's eyes. "So, what now, Deano?"

"Now you get the hell out of Cas."

Lucifer sighed. "I've grown kinda fond of this vessel, actually. It was a little cumbersome at first, not being my true vessel. Although, Sammy ain't exactly prime real estate anymore."

Dean's hands clenched, and a low growl escaped his throat. "I will find a way to get you out; you can bet on that."

Lucifer smiled, the expression looking twisted on Castiel's face. Because when was the last time Cas had smiled? And how _wrong_ was it that Cas smiling like that had been the first tip-off that something was different? Cas had been so somber for…a long while.

"That's cute," Lucifer simpered. "You'd have better luck just outright killing me. In fact, that's what Castiel wants."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Lucifer pursed his lips in a sympathetic moue. "That was his plan, the poor sap. Say 'yes' to me, defeat the Darkness, and then he expected the Winchesters to ice the Devil, and him too." Lucifer shook his head. "It was a pretty stupid plan. Worse than Sam's when he said 'yes,' thinking he could wrest control of his body back."

"Sam did do that," Dean automatically retorted. "And you're lying. I don't know how you did it, but you must have tricked Cas into consenting." Why else would Cas have given in when he _knew_ Rowena was being compelled to finish the spell to send Lucifer back? They all would have gotten out of the Cage if he'd just held out a little longer. And yeah, there was still Amara's warning to worry about, but letting the Devil _out_ was never their best bet.

Lucifer clucked his tongue. "I didn't need to trick Castiel. In fact, I didn't even need to ask. He had nothing left to give. To you, to Heaven, the world. Nothing except his vessel. He was a hollowed out angel and this was his one last, desperate act for redemption, to be seen as worthy in the eyes of all those who saw him as expendable."

Dean frowned. "That's a load of crap you've fed him."

Lucifer barked out a laugh. "I admit, I like a good mind game as much as the next guy, but it wasn't me." He reached up to tap his temple. "I see it all, Dean. The sacrifices, the pain, the abandonment. By Heaven. By _you_. It actually makes me feel sorry for Castiel. Really, I did my brother a favor. At least he's not suffering anymore."

Dean's heart stuttered. "No, Cas is still…" He _couldn't_ be dead.

"Still in here?" Lucifer grinned through a dramatic pause. "Yes. Tucked away in a nice dark corner where he can't feel anything anymore." The Devil stepped up to the edge of the cage, sliding his arms through as though it was a casual lounge. "Trust me when I say it's better this way. Castiel is broken beyond repair. Even if you somehow manage to find a way to get him back, you'll just discard what's left anyway."

Dean took an incensed step forward, only catching himself at the last second before he moved close enough for Lucifer to grab and choke him. He wanted to punch the Devil, but he wasn't even going to dignify that with a response. Cas wasn't a tool to be thrown out when he wasn't useful. He wasn't _expendable_.

Lucifer appeared amused for a moment before he rolled his eyes. "You and Sam just don't see it, how you always choose each other over everything—over everyone—else. Face it, Dean, you were _happy_ that Castiel said yes and not Sam. As long as Sammy is safe, nothing and no one else matters."

"That's not true."

_Oh, but wasn't it?_ Dean had kicked a newly-human Cas out of the bunker to keep Sam safe. Had left the ex-angel to navigate a human life on his own, without anything or any kind of support. If anyone had planted that seed of self-worthlessness in Cas's head, it was Dean.

"' _Nobody cares that you're broken_ ,'" Lucifer mimicked in a deep voice that made Dean's blood run cold.

He forced himself to take a step back, even though that made it look like the Devil was getting to him. And maybe he was, but Dean knew Lucifer was just trying to make him lose it, to slip up and get too close so the archangel could either kill him or somehow escape. Dean wasn't going to screw things up. Not this time.

"No," he ground out, hating how hoarse his voice sounded. A spiky lump was settling in his throat. "I made mistakes, but Cas is not expendable, and I don't care if he's broken. Hell, we all are. It's what makes us work. So I am not giving up until I get him back. You hear that, Cas? I'd rather have you, cursed or not."

Dean put every ounce of energy into saying that last bit as a prayer. If Lucifer wanted to dredge up old memories, then Dean could fight back with the same. But Lucifer just gave him a condescending look; they both knew Cas couldn't hear him.

A scuff on the threshold drew Dean's attention to where Sam stood, looking nervous as he jerked his head, signaling his brother to come over. Dean shot one last look at Lucifer. _Hang on, Cas_.

The Devil smirked at him with his friend's face. "Yeah, good luck with that."

* * *

 

_Call my name and save me from the dark_  
_Bid my blood to run_  
_Before I come undone  
_ _Save me from the nothing I've become_

* * *

 

"I don't know if you should be talking to him," Sam said once he and Dean had left the dungeon and gone out to the war room. "He's gonna try and mess with your head, Dean."

"I know," his brother growled. "You find anything?"

Sam looked away. They had the mother lode of supernatural information at their fingertips, and yet it failed them when they were trying to cure the Mark, trying to fight the Darkness, and now when they were trying to figure out how to evict the Devil from their best friend and bind Lucifer before he could run rampant and find another vessel.

"Not yet," he admitted. "What about how you got Gadreel out of me?"

Dean shook his head. "Crowley had to simultaneously possess you, and he's not about to risk going up against Lucifer just to save Cas." He reached up to rub the back of his neck. "Besides…I don't think it would work."

Sam huffed out a breath of frustration. "How do you know if we don't try?"

"Because you wanted Gadreel out," Dean snapped.

Sam blinked at him dubiously. "You're not saying Cas _wants_ Lucifer to continue possessing him? I get why he said 'yes,' so the Darkness could be defeated, but that's done now."

Dean shook his head, and there was a sheen in his eyes that made Sam's stomach clench. "Lucifer said…that Cas doesn't want to be saved. He'd rather we just kill them both."

Sam's eyes widened. "He's lying."

Dean turned away and braced his hands on one of the study tables. "I'm not sure about that, Sam. What he said…what's happened to Cas these past few years." His throat bobbed, and the rage of emotion Dean was obviously trying to suppress made Sam's pulse ratchet up.

"You're saying Cas is suicidal?" he asked in a hushed voice.

Dean tipped his head back as though gravity would keep actual tears from falling. "I screwed up so many times, Sammy. With you. With Cas. I know I didn't give him any reason to say 'yes', but I sure as hell didn't give him any reasons not to."

Fury surged up in Sam, and he stormed over to grab Dean's arm and spin him around. "You can't blame yourself, Dean. And we can't know what Cas was really thinking until we talk to him. _Him_ , not Lucifer playing messenger. Okay?"

Dean shrugged off his touch. "Yeah, sure. But I still think Lucifer would kill anyone who tried to go in and contact Cas before they were able to get through to him."

Sam's lips thinned. He remembered how close it had been when Gadreel had shown up and started beating on him and Crowley. Lucifer was much stronger, and on the chance that Cas would require some convincing…yeah, maybe it wasn't the best option. But that meant they had absolutely nothing.

"I'll…get back to the books," he said.

Dean merely nodded wordlessly, and moved to sit at another table that already had a stack of volumes on angels and possession.

They spent the next week and every waking moment poring through the lore, but with no success. Occasionally they heard Lucifer singing, his cheery show tunes echoing up from the dungeon. He probably only did it to mess with them, and it was working. Dean's jaw always ticked and his knuckles whitened around whatever book he was holding when the chords interrupted their research. Sam couldn't say he was unaffected either. Not only was _Lucifer_ in their dungeon, but he was in there with Cas.

Sam was almost angry; after he'd managed to store up the strength to resist the Devil so Lucifer would never escape again, with one word Cas had blown everything. Granted, Lucifer had been close to killing them, but Dean said Rowena was casting the spell to send Lucifer back to his proper Cage. No one had to say yes! So what had Cas been thinking?

Despite his frustration, though, Sam was also concerned. He knew what it was like to be an angel condom in a way Dean didn't—and what it was like to be trapped in a cage with the Devil; Sam was worried about what Lucifer was doing to Cas.

So he pushed himself to the brink, as did Dean, neither of them sleeping very much, or eating well. Top Ramen became their quick, one meal a day, with a few snacks in between when one of them remembered to nag the other. Funny how they each were more intent on looking after the other one. It made Sam think about what Dean had said and how Cas had never really been a part of that care taking routine. Not when he'd been human (though that wasn't Sam's fault). But not when his grace was dying out either, and that Sam had been fully culpable in ignoring. Had the Winchesters really not given Cas anything to hold onto in this world? What about when they'd helped cure him of Rowena's curse?

_Yeah, because one time out of a host of others is gonna leave an impression_. It made Sam sick to his stomach to think that Cas actually _wanted_ to die, and that the Winchesters hadn't even noticed. Sure, Sam noticed Cas wasn't fully back to normal after Rowena's curse, but he'd dismissed it as the angel just needing more time. Oh, and they'd given him that. Alone. And then they hadn't even noticed he wasn't Cas those first few weeks out of the Cage.

"What about an angel's true vessel?" Dean spoke up, interrupting Sam's morose thoughts.

"Hm?" he hummed, and looked over at what his brother was reading.

"Cas isn't Lucifer's true vessel."

Sam stiffened. What the hell was he saying? "You want me to offer to _switch_?"

"What? No!" Dean scowled darkly. "I'm just saying there's gotta be a way to use that."

Sam furrowed his brow in thought. "Okay, I think I saw a reference to a book specifically on that."

In the end, it'd taken them five additional days to not only find something useful, but then craft a variation on the angel-banishing sigil that should remove an angel from a vessel that's not meant for them. Lucifer would be ejected from Cas, but still bound in the cage. Theoretically. Then came the trick of getting Cas _out_ of the cage before Billie tossed it back into Hell.

"He needs an anchor," Sam said. "That's how Lucifer got a foothold out of the Cage, even with Rowena's spell."

Dean frowned. "Cas is already in a vessel."

Sam tapped the tip of his pen against his memo pad. "Something else then. But it's gotta be strong."

A muscle in Dean's cheek twitched. "Us."

"What?"

"We can be his anchors. Nothing stronger than family."

Sam blinked, taken aback by the idea, and yet it made perfect sense. They'd let Cas down in the past, and now he needed them to be there, to pull him out of the darkness. With that agreement, the Winchesters turned their attention to researching soul bonds.

* * *

 

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul_  
_Don't let me die here_  
_There must be something more  
_ _Bring me to life_

* * *

 

They summoned Billie to be ready to take the cage after they'd banished Lucifer from Cas's body. There was no guarantee this would work, but it was the only plan they had.

Dean and Sam approached the dungeon as a united front, with the Reaper trailing behind almost disinterestedly. Lucifer was sitting cross-legged on the floor in a meditative pose when they entered. It still jarred Dean to see him wearing only the trousers and dress shirt, having shed the suit jacket and trench coat early on.

"Well, helloo, Sam. You know, I'm hurt you haven't come to see me sooner." Lucifer opened one eye and gazed at the three of them. "A party, is it?" He pushed himself to his feet and lumbered to the bars, focusing on Billie first, and then Dean. "I see you've decided to cut your losses after all. I knew you would."

"You know nothing," Dean retorted as Sam strode toward the right end of the cage and drew a knife across his palm. Bright red blood welled up, and Sam dipped two fingers of his other hand into the liquid. Then he started drawing the sigil on the dungeon wall. While he was doing that, Dean got down on the floor and began unpacking the ingredients for the binding ritual.

Lucifer glanced back and forth between them with mild curiosity, but there was a hint of growing agitation. "What are you doing?"

"You'll see," Dean replied.

"Saammy," Lucifer drawled. "Are you sure this is a good idea? Because your track record really speaks for itself."

"Shut up," Sam responded tightly. He finished the sigil and then came over to help Dean. They pulled Cas's coat from the bag last, something personal that belonged to the person they intended to link with. That coat had been with Cas through everything—the Apocalypse, civil war, Leviathans, Purgatory… The list went on, and Dean couldn't think of anything better to pull Cas through this.

Lucifer was now gripping the bars of the cage. "That looks like a banishing sigil. Is that mine and Castiel's names in it? Hm, clever, boys, I give you that. It won't work though."

Dean did his best to ignore him, focusing on getting the ingredient portions for the first ritual right. It was strange that he and Sam were even doing this without reservation. After all the crap they'd experienced with possession and curses, not to mention their upbringing, binding their souls to someone else should have been the last thing they'd ever consent to do. But Dean had done a piss-poor job showing Cas that he belonged with the Winchesters, no matter what, and he hoped this would be the first step to fixing it. Along with getting Cas as far away from Lucifer as possible.

"Ready?" he asked Sam. His brother nodded resolutely.

Lucifer was practically pressing himself against the bars. "If you're sending me back to Hell, I'm taking Castiel with me."

Dean finally looked up and gave the Devil a smug smirk. "No, you're not."

With that, he struck a match and dropped it into the spell bowl. The contents lit up with a whoosh of flame and smoke, and both Dean and Sam recited the three words for the spell. Just three. Simple in form, perhaps, but not in meaning.

" _Fidelitatem in perpetuum_." Fidelity forever. Unwavering faithfulness, loyalty, and support.

Dean felt something in his chest contract, and then snap taught. He let out a small gasp of surprise. Beside him, Sam swayed slightly. As far as he could see, nothing was visibly happening, but Dean felt something deep within him—his soul—reach out and grasp onto something else. The zing of energy at the contact jolted through Dean and seemed to congregate at the scar handprint on his arm, which was how he recognized the responding spark as pure _Cas_. It had worked.

Lucifer staggered back a step, pressing a hand to his chest in bewilderment. He shot a scathing glare at the Winchesters. "What did you just do?"

Dean felt the connection settle. It was strange, if he concentrated on it, but Lucifer railing against the cage diverted his attention.

"You think you can beat me?" the archangel seethed. "I will kill Castiel right now."

Dean's heart lurched, but before he could act, Sam was already up and sprinting to the wall. The younger Winchester slammed his palm down on the sigil, and Lucifer threw his head back with a scream as white-hot light enveloped him. Dean jerked his head away, unable to see what the hell was happening. The air crackled and sizzled, the lightbulbs flickered and dust trickled loose from the ceiling. Then that strange cord tied to his chest started to tug. _Hard_. Billie was taking the cage.

Dean dropped to his hands and knees under the force, and focused all of his strength into holding on to that lifeline. The pressure built until it felt as though Dean's soul would be ripped from his body and hurtled into the Pit, but he didn't let go. He swore he would never let go of Cas again.

Blood was roaring in his ears, and he thought he heard a strident, enraged scream, and then everything fell silent. The magnetic force vanished, making Dean topple forward in sudden exhaustion. Breathing heavily, he managed to lift his head. The cage was gone, and so was Billie. Cas was unconscious on the floor.

Dean crawled over, grasping at Cas's arm and shoulder. Cas's eyes were closed, and he was cold to the touch. "Come on, come on," Dean murmured, giving the angel a small shake. "Come on, Cas!"

Sam scooted over and placed two fingers under Cas's jaw. After a moment, he moved his hand to lay against Cas's chest. Dean couldn't tell if Cas was breathing, and his pulse started to pound. _No_. What if Cas had been ripped out too, and was still in the cage? They'd never get him back. Lucifer would kill him out of spite.

"Dean." Sam grabbed his wrist and tugged it over to press a hand against Cas's heart. "Do you feel that?"

Dean was so focused on trying to detect a heartbeat, he almost missed what Sam meant. But then he felt it, a thrum that vibrated up through his arm and into his sternum where that strange new link was centered. An echo of that tingle resonated in the scar as well. Dean nearly sagged. It was Cas.

"Come on, buddy, wake up." Dean shook the angel's shoulder again.

It took a moment, but Cas's lids twitched, and then slowly cracked open. Cas blinked dazedly, eyes dull and unfocused.

"Hey, Cas," Sam said softly. "You're safe. Lucifer's gone. It's over."

Cas's gaze fluttered between them, and then he squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away. The wave of anguish that crashed over Dean was staggering, and he nearly reeled backward. Sam even shot out a palm to brace himself on the concrete. They exchanged a 'what-the-hell' look. Guess there were some things about the soul bond they hadn't fully anticipated.

"Cas?" Dean called. "Come on, look at me." He cupped the sides of Cas's head and turned his face back. Cas refused to open his eyes though.

"Cas," Sam started, voice cracking. He laid a hand on Cas's arm. "Whatever Lucifer did to you, it's over. He can't hurt you anymore."

Another distant pang of regret speared through Dean, and he was beginning to get a sickening feeling in his gut.

"Why did you bring me back?" Cas rasped. "Why do you always bring me back?"

Dean's heart clenched. He didn't know if Cas was talking to them, or maybe God, but the utter brokenness and despair in the angel's voice tore at him. Dean gripped Cas by the front of his shirt and hauled him upright, wrapping his arms around the angel and clutching him tightly. Cas was completely limp, as though there wasn't a speck of life left in him. Dean's breath hitched with mounting fear.

"We brought you _home_ ," he said, and clasped the back of Cas's head. Looking over the angel's shoulder, Dean saw Sam watching with watery eyes, one hand on Cas's back. "We will always bring you home."

Bitterness and doubt flickered through Dean's mind, and he closed his eyes against a surge of his own guilt. How had he let things get this bad? Oh, he knew how. Plenty of good excuses too, or so he would have argued weeks ago. Now, though, Dean understood his negligence had played a role in driving Cas's desperation. And he realized that he may have ousted the Devil from possessing Cas, but he hadn't saved him. Not even close.

When Dean finally pulled back a little to look at Cas's face, he found the angel unconscious once more. He and Sam carried Cas up to the dormitory wing and laid him in one of the rooms. It struck Dean then how even though Cas had stayed with them for days after being cured from the attack-dog spell, he'd still not been given his own room. He'd used Sam's to watch Netflix, getting booted out when the hunter wanted to catch some shut-eye and left to roam the bunker until the following morning. So easily displaced. No wonder Cas doubted Dean's notion of 'home.'

Sam left and came back a few minutes later with a blanket. Maybe even the same ratty one they'd given Cas when he was under Rowena's curse. Sam draped it over the angel.

Dean ran a hand through his hair. "What are we gonna do?"

Sam's expression pinched as he stared at Cas's ashen face. "I don't know. Be there for him, I guess. What he's going through…"

Dean let out a huff. "Yeah. That's…" He gestured vaguely between them to indicate the bond. "A lot to process on top of everything."

"Yeah." Sam scuffed his boot against the concrete floor. "We could probably find a way to undo the bond if needed. But, um, I'm not going to."

Dean arched a questioning brow at his brother. Not that he'd really considered breaking the link, but he was curious at Sam's apparent resolve on the matter.

Sam continued to shift his weight uncomfortably. "The road ahead isn't gonna be easy, and Cas has gotten used to hiding things when it comes to his own well-being. I think…it'd be helpful to have a way to see past all that."

"Even if it makes everyone uncomfortable?" Dean asked, not because he was arguing, but because this was a major undertaking. He did not do feelings well. _Isn't that part of the problem?_

Sam lifted his chin stubbornly. "What we've been doing doesn't work. I told Lucifer I was prepared to watch the people I love die, and I am. That's our lives. But I'm not prepared to be the one who throws them into the fire. Cas…he's not okay."

Dean swallowed hard. He knew that all too well by the steady, churning thrum inside his chest. It was more subdued now that Cas was out again, but still there, a festering knot of guilt and self-loathing. "I know he's not. But we're gonna stick by him."

The world may not be currently falling apart, but their best friend was, and they still needed to save him.

* * *

 

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see_  
_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me_  
_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
_ _Got to open my eyes to everything_

* * *

 

Flashes of color flitted through Castiel's mind, shards of auras that carried whispers he couldn't quite make out. He tried to shy away from them, but they were always there. Sometimes the two frequencies changed; one grew stronger and the other fainter. But they both swarmed around him in this in-between place he hovered. Until nature took its course and his consciousness finally surfaced. He wanted to go back to that quiet space though.

It was like rising from the depths of the sea—distorted sounds gradually became crisp, such as the turning of a page or the muffled strum of an electric guitar playing in a set of headphones.

A chair creaked. "Did you feel that?"

Another round of shuffling sounds and the music cut off. "Yeah. You think…?"

A hand settled on each of his forearms.

"Cas?"

He felt his forehead crease. He didn't want to answer, didn't want to wake up the rest of the way, but it was as though the physical touch was forcing him forward, unwilling to let him slip back down into the abyss.

Another hand moved to his brow. "Come on, Cas, open your eyes. Please."

He did hate the tinge of desperation and pain in that voice, had always wanted to do everything in his power to make it better. So he conceded, and slowly pried his eyelids open.

His surroundings were blurry at first, but quickly cleared. Sam and Dean were sitting on either side of a bed Castiel was laying in. He blinked at them in confusion. This wasn't right…

Dean let out a relieved breath, and Sam wrapped his hand in Castiel's and squeezed.

"Welcome back, Cas," the younger Winchester smiled.

Castiel frowned, trying to parse through his fragmented memories. What was going on?

The brothers exchanged a look. "Do you remember the Cage and Lucifer?" Dean asked guardedly.

Castiel's brows knitted together. The Cage? Wh… Memory slammed into him like a ton of bricks. Of course. The Cage. Lucifer. Castiel saying 'yes.' A wide range of emotions threatened to drown him in a deluge then: fear, shame, regret. He saw the Winchesters wince, though he didn't think he'd made a sound.

"The Darkness?" he asked hesitantly, not knowing what he would do if all of it had been for nothing.

"Dead," Dean replied. "Lucifer killed her."

Well, that was something.

Castiel swallowed hard. "And…Lucifer?"

"Back in the Cage in Hell." Sam scooted closer, gripping Castiel's arm more tightly. "It's over."

Castiel shook his head against the pillow. "Why didn't you kill him? You should have killed him."

"And you too?" Dean growled.

Castiel let out a bone-weary sigh. "If that's what it took."

"Well, it didn't. We found a way to cast him out and save you."

Castiel wanted to laugh bitterly at the sentimental notion. Save him. For what? He had nothing left to give; he was nothing. Not an angel, not a hero. He'd gladly given himself up in one final act to rid the world of the Darkness, and then let Sam and Dean defeat Lucifer as he knew they would. This…he hadn't wanted this. What was he supposed to do now? He had no purpose, no mission, and no strength to fight even if the world was in peril. He felt so heavy, all he wanted to do was sink back into oblivion.

"Cas. _Cas_. Look at me!"

He snapped his gaze back to Dean, and frowned at the watery sheen in the hunter's eyes. What had Castiel done now to make things worse?

Dean let out a choked sound. "Oh god, Cas. Stop, please stop. You are _not_ expendable. I know I've tossed the word 'family' at you and never really followed through. I am so sorry, Cas. I can never make up for those mistakes, and you have no reason to believe me now, but you _are_ family. And maybe you're a little worse for wear right now, but we're gonna get through this. _We_ will. I swear I am not abandoning you this time."

Castiel blinked in utter confusion. Where had that come from?

Sam squeezed his hand again, and the younger hunter looked equally misty-eyed. "I know you're tired, Cas. For a lot of reasons. And I know it seems hopeless right now, but Dean and I are here for you. Just…" Sam floundered, shooting a lost look at his brother. Then he took Castiel's lax arm and lifted a hand to his chest. "Dean's right, you have no reason to believe us right now. So trust _this_."

Castiel frowned, gaze dropping to his fingers splayed across Sam's sternum. He felt the hunter's heart beat, the pulsing of blood within veins. And…something else. Something that struck a familiar chord in Castiel. His lips parted with a small inhalation. That resonance hummed through the threads of Sam's soul and outward. Castiel brought his other hand up to his own chest, which was suddenly too tight. He felt…tethered. Not quite possessed like with Lucifer, but not fully his own.

"What…" he said shakily. "What is…?"

Dean placed his hand on Castiel's chest too, adding another ping of vibrant energy. Both were filled with various degrees of guilt, remorse, relief, and earnestness.

"We had to anchor you to earth somehow, so Lucifer couldn't drag you into the Pit."

Castiel's eyes widened, and for the first time he attempted to actually move and sit up. He didn't get far, and only succeeded in slumping to the side. Dean caught his shoulder and eased him back down.

"What…which spell? It could be dangerous," he gasped out. Maybe there was still a chance to break it. The longer it remained, the less easy it would be to reverse down the road.

"We're not removing it," Dean said forcibly. "We need you, Cas, and right now you need us too. So…" He looked uncomfortable, but steeled his shoulders anyway. "So take a breath and just listen. To everything I should have said before, and mean now. Completely." Dean put his hand back on Castiel's chest.

Castiel shook his head in protest, but Sam gave him a demanding look as well. Unbalanced and helpless, he closed his eyes and focused on that thrum. And when he did, a starburst of emotions washed over him in a deluge. It was overwhelming and he nearly drowned, but instead of suffocating, feelings of gratitude, love, and promise bathed him in a soft, warm glow. Castiel was very familiar with each of the Winchester's souls, having raised them both from Hell once. He knew the steadfastness they held for each other, something he had been secretly jealous of, for no angels had ever displayed such undying devotion. He had thought, at times, he might be counted among them, a brother beyond blood. He had learned not to trust in such childish wishes.

The green and saffron auras responded with a surge of emotion, catching Castiel off guard once again. This was all so very confusing, having their essences bound, being able to sense each other. And yet…when Castiel searched for the lie, the temporary platitude, he found none. Only a resolute, genuine promise to hold him tight and not let go. _Fidelitatem in perpetuum_. Castiel nearly gasped at the recognition. _That_ spell.

And he knew now, he didn't need the strength to fight this time; Sam and Dean would come along beside him. They were already holding him up.

A prayer flitted through his mind then. _"That's right, Cas."_


End file.
